White Collar Work
Up and at ‘em! Time to go to work.
It’s 6:00 AM and it’s looking bright outside.
You better be prepared to match that energy all day,
Despite how much the day drags.
You work at a company called “School Inc.”
Your co-workers and some of your many bosses drive you crazy throughout the day,
And even though your work is kind enough to serve you lunch, it is usually wildly unappetizing.
You’ve worked here for over a decade now,
And some years it’s gotten better and some it’s gotten worse.
New people have come and old friends have gone.
The best part?
Close to twelve years of working this job and in that time you haven’t earned a single cent.
In fact, you actually have to pay to work here.
Since you started the job at a young age, far before any other place would employ you,
Your parents were kind enough to pay for you to work.
Even still, it’s money coming out of a pocket and not going in.
What’s that? A promotion!
After so long, it’s finally here.
Sure, you’ve climbed the ranks during your time in this job,
Since you were young up until today.
But a promotion this big? It’s amazing!
Let me break it down:
You transfer to a different division of the company,
They call it “College.”
You get to move away from your family.
(If you choose to do so)
You get to pick which shifts you take and tasks you pick up.
(For the most part)
You’ve got much more free time.
(Though a lot of it is spent working overtime)
And the best part?
You have to pay so much more than you did at your other job.
If you’re lucky, your parents will continue helping fund your work,
But you’ll still have to pick up some slack.
You better have been saving those paychecks you weren’t getting.
Now let’s switch it up.
We’ve got to keep the economy flowing,
So you can have another job.
It’ll take even more of your time
(Though ultimately not as much as this new job at “College”)
And you’ll have a whole new set of co-workers and bosses that might drive you crazy.
But the best part?
You. Get. Paid.
Now you can use this new money to pay to work at “College!”
How wonderful indeed!
Of course, since you’ve got some more cash,
We’ll need to take some of it every time you get paid.
And if you want to stay healthy we’ll need some more.
Want a car to get from job to job?
We’ll take some more.
You want to eat? How silly of us, we forgot.
We’ll take some more then.
One more thing, did you want to live at work at “College” or did you want your own place?
Either way, we’ll take some more.
What you have left? That’s what you’ve got to survive.
Hold on to it, because everything you need and do is going to keep getting more expensive.
What’s the matter? You’re finally getting paid for your work. It’s great!
Why are you stressed?
That’s not our problem.
You should have learned about all of this at your first job at “School Inc.”
You did? Well then what’s the issue?
It’s not our fault
That nothing could have prepared you for the absolute detriment that is living in this world.
Oh by the way, have you paid us yet this month?
Don’t worry about what for, we’ll come up with something.
Alright, alright, I can see you’re upset.
Let me make it up to you.
Fast forward another four years.
Or eight, if you really like paying to work at “College.”
Another big promotion is in front of you.
You no longer have to pay to work.
Directly, that is.
We’re still going to keep taking what we have been from your paychecks
And we’ll start taking even more if you want to have a house or a family or anything nice.
We’ll keep taking until there’s nothing left,
And even then, you’ve still got to finish paying for your last job at “College.”
I know this sounds bad, but it’s so much better.
And listen, because here’s the best part:
You get to do it for another forty years.